she was so not down for the gang bang
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
