Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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