i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
