i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
