Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
