Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
