I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
