If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
