I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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