If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
