elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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