it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
