Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize