When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
