Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
