the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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