She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
