Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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