dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
