If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
