He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize