Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
