my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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