Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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