Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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