It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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