Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
