the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
