im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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