You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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