i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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