I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
