It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
