sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
