so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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