Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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