When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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