we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have fence marks all over my body
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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