i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
