I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
