don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
