My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you never un-have a 4some
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
