hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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