why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
