sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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