good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Maybe he injected his testicle?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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