you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just pee around me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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