he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
