So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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