i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
