Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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