Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
