before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
