I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
