my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
