i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
