Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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