Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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