Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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