Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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