Kiss
Puke
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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