Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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