I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
