oh god the rape fog is back!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mom said you looked used
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
