The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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