his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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