You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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