playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
