I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
