the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
