and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
